Well, the news is ambiguous. The CT scan results were inconclusive. There isn’t anything showing on the CT scan that explains the symptoms I’ve been experiencing. There are some new spots, but they are small so the plan is monitor them with another CT scan in two months. Meanwhile, we’re going to continue the same treatment plan.
Now I can hang up my bird feeder. I didn’t want to hang it up and have the birds get used to the extra food, and then lose a resource they’d gotten used to if I had to move out.
So this is life for a cancer patient. One day I’m wondering if I should start taking my personal possessions home from work, the next day I’m looking at probably being at my job for at least another two months.
I know I have existing cancer in my body, I know new stuff is there, I don’t know how fast or if it’s growing, or if it has actually been there the whole time and was just now seen, I don’t know if the new stuff is cancer but it’s hard to imagine that it’s anything else.
The tangible sense of peace that I’ve been feeling can’t be explained by anything other than God’s hand on me and many prayers for peace. My goal was to try to react to whatever I found out with acceptance and no emotional drama, and that has happened so far, thank God.