Friday, August 27, 2010

I Am Excited.

Well, I am doing very well right now. My body may be a piece of crap, but I’m feeling exhilarated by where I am in this process. I don’t know exactly where I am in this process, on the timeline between this point in time right now and the point when Jesus will come for me… But I feel extraordinarily peaceful and I feel very, very, happy.

I’ve been pretty euphoric for several days, and I’m still trying to articulate why. And it’s not due to anything I’m putting into my body, for those of you wondering about that. I feel like I’m sensing an end to all of this crud. I just feel ready.

Somehow it just feels closer. I could be wrong, and His coming for me could be months away, but it feels closer, and I like that. Three people in twenty-four hours have independently indicated that they are sensing that it feels closer to them too. We’ll just have to wait and see.

The closer death gets, the more peaceful I feel, and the more excited I get. I have a couple things I'd like to finish, but I have no regrets about anything, and I am ready. Did I mention that I feel ready?

Anyway, I got to meet my hospice nurse today, and she is amazing, as expected. She gave me lots of information about all kinds of things and it was very helpful. Among other things, she said she feels like I’m starting hospice at a very good time in my process based on my symptoms, needs, and the obvious progression of disease in my superficial lymph nodes.

She’s going to start out visiting me once a week and can increase the frequency if needed. They also have people available 24/7 to help with anything major that might come up. I can’t believe how well planned out and organized hospice is.

Anyway, I just got oxygen yesterday, to use as needed. I have been using it as needed since it was delivered yesterday and it really does help with the shortness of breath, so that is nice.


  1. I am so, so happy that you are finding such peace at this point in your journey, Martha; I sense that the anxiety I've been feeling lately has a direct correlation to all of this... the equal and opposite reaction theory. I feel so selfish for feeling this way; I never want you to leave... I also know that what will make you happy and whole is to finally go Home, and I keep reminding myself that this is what this journey is all about. I'm so very grateful to be able to share in this journey with you, Martha, and you are always, always, always in my thoughts and prayers... love and hugs.

  2. That you are excited and accessing resources are a comfort to me. May we all use our time this side of heaven as you do: trusting God and His care for us and responding by loving others. Smiling with you today! Love, Susan T.

  3. I just want to say that you are an amazing person. There aren't words to describe you. You have taught me many lessons from reading your blog. I am glad that I had the opportunity to work with you and get to know a little more about you. May God Bless you and your family!

  4. I'm so glad you have peace. I love you lots and lots.


  5. "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27 I needed this verse today and thought I'd pass it on, but it sounds like you're already there... :-) Jeanie

  6. i dreamt about you the other night.
    been thinking about you like crazy.

  7. You're awesome!


    I'm excited for you--jealous--and will miss you lots--but your excitement is contagious.

    buckets of love and a heap of hugs

  8. Your fabulous smile on Sunday morning matched your feelings--- and it was wonderful to behold. Your story continues to move me closer to the One Who Has You in His Grip! Thank you, thank you! Sherry Hasty

  9. I have mixed emotions but so thankful you are at peace with the Lord. Your excitement IS contagious. Take care my friend. Christine Pfister from Waxhaw. PS. What a picture of hope you bring to those around you. God bless.

  10. Amazing Martha-
    How wonderful that you continue to take this incredible journey on your own terms. You are truly a tangible testament to His love. You probably have no idea just how many hearts and lives you have touched and changed. When you pass through the Great Door there will be many many tears shed here for our loss, but oh! what great rejoicing there will be on the other side of the door! And just think, you will be in the very center of it all! May you continue to feel the peace and security that His loving arms provide and may your joy grow as you approach the Great Door. I do honestly find you amazing! Becky Davis