Saturday, September 25, 2010

My Kidneys

I’m doing not as well physically. I don’t know how much less well, but less well than a few weeks ago.

I’ve been having symptoms, consistent symptoms, of kidney issues. Tests were done yesterday, and as of right now the first results show no sign of kidney infection—which means, based on what my nurse told me, what my nurse practitioner told her, what I’ve read, and what my gut instinct (no anatomical pun intended…) tells me, that my kidneys are probably being messed up by the cancer, and I’m most likely losing kidney function. At what rate, I obviously don’t know. But the symptoms are there and that's what seems to be happening. It could still turn out to be a kidney infection, the second set of test results will be in on Monday or Tuesday.

Right now I’m processing this. It is another change. Mostly I’m excited, because it means I’m closer, closer to death—that glorious doorway to Heaven.

But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior….

Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you….

Do not be afraid, for I am with you….

From Isaiah 43.


  1. Beautiful scripture...I read these verses many times when in the hospital after my first diagnosis and major surgery. A friend, a fellow cancer patient, showed them to me and I clung to the promise therein with great fiercity.

    Beautiful words.."Do not be afraid..."

  2. "No More Faith"
    lyrics by Andrew Peterson

    I say faith is a burden
    It's a weight to bear
    It's brave and bittersweet
    And hope is hard to hold to
    Lord, I believe
    Only help my unbelief

    Till there's no more faith
    No more hope
    I'll see your face and Lord, I'll know
    When there's no more faith
    And no more hope
    I'll sing your praise and let them go
    'cause only love
    Only love remains

    thinking of and praying for you, Susan T.

  3. Thinking about you. A lot. Still praying. A lot.

    Love, hugs, prayers. A lot.