Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Stuff and (Curse Words)

Several things:
--My scar is healing beautifully. It looks amazing. I still haven't had any post-surgical pain, which is awesome.

--I can’t eat solid food; not even saltines, rice, or pasta. I can’t drink anything other than Ensure and water.

I ate four bites of plain spaghetti with a minute amount of cheese and margarine, and thirty-six hours later, I’m just now feeling a little bit better.

There could be a shared cause between the digestive (curse word) and these (curse word) clots. See following....

-- I’ve been learning about clots this past week. This information sums up what appears to be going on in my (curse word) body most concisely:

Some types of lung, stomach and bowel cancers produce a substance called MUCIN. This mucous substance increases your risk of developing a blood clot. If you have cancer of the pancreas, bowel, lung, stomach, ovary, or womb, you are at a slightly higher increased risk of developing a blood clot. (Source)

Trousseau Syndrome: Mucin that activates clots in certain cancers that is associated with venous thrombosis and hypercoagulability; the blood may spontaneously form clots in the portal vessels, the deep veins of the extremities (such as the leg), or the superficial veins anywhere on the body. These clots present as visibly swollen blood vessels (vasculitis), especially the veins, or as intermittent pain in the affected areas; marantic/non bacterial thrombotic endocarditis. (Source)

Basically, it appears that this mucin is my problem. The bottom line is that the tumors in my body shed their malignant outer surface cells and these cells get into my bloodstream and mess my blood and digestive systems up. (Source)

It’s okay to only be able to drink Ensure and water when I’m home with Dresden; it’s a lot harder when I’m with other people who are eating and drinking all kinds of delicious things that I want to enjoy with them. Even when I’m at home, I can’t have the few things I was still able to eat a couple weeks ago...

--As for the clots in my arm and leg, they appear to be resolved or resolving. My left foot started hurting very badly on Saturday and I began putting Arnica gel on it... It took away a bit of the pain and I’m pretty sure it somehow helped prevent whatever was trying to start going on there. So that’s good, and it's something I'll know to do in the future.

That’s what’s going on with that stuff.

--I’ve also been having some insanely intense chills that last for hours and hours—and don’t stop until I sit in a bathtub of hot water for about thirty minutes or put socks on my hands and feet and get under a mountain of blankets.

I never knew my body could get so cold. The weird thing is that after I begin to warm up, my body often feels like someone turned up an internal furnace about twenty degrees, usually for about fifteen minutes to an hour. It’s very strange.

--I think that’s enough for one blog post.

I’m ready to be Home and it’s extremely difficult to keep this (curse word) in perspective right now.

I’m ready to be done with clots and mucin and Ensure and being exhausted all of the time and my hip hurting and random veins hurting and digestive anguish and cold chills etc etc etc.

In His Grip, Martha


  1. You are an amazing woman...you encourage me even in your present circumstances.
    God has blessed you with strong faith.
    I'm praying for you, that you stay In His Grip.
    I hope that you will pray for me, too, that when I am where you are now, that I myself will continue in good cheer and strong faith.

  2. <>

    I think of you every day.


  3. Oh, Martha, praying, praying, praying for you. Thinking of you often as you endure this suffering and look homeward. Megan

  4. Oh Martha! We love you so much and are thinking of you and cursing with you.

  5. my continued prayers for peace as only God can give you

  6. You're an amazing woman! I marvel at every post you write....being able to give us the technical aspect of what you are going through but even more at the incredible faith you have and your lack of fear of going home. My thoughts and prayers are with you each and every day! You are certainly one of God's gifts to all of us!!!!


  7. I totally understand your frustration... and I'm saying a little prayer for you, right now, as I write.

    Love to you. Many hugs. Even more prayers than hugs. An extra prayer for resolution, at some level...


    PS ~ It always asks for a word to verify my posting. Today's word is 'PURANING'. This sounds very much like a Martha/Karen kind of word, and it somehows suits this topic... thought I'd share that with you. Now I have to get another non~word to post this... xoxoxox

  8. Oh, dear Martha. You're on our kitchen prayer board, and I think of you often. I pray for an extra measure of grace and mercy from Abba as you deal with the day to day while looking Homeward.

  9. Dear Martha, We will never understand why this hard part has to last so long. Why can't we simply enjoy life right up to our Homecoming? You are so amazing in your unwavering faith during times that could certainly shake one's faith. There are far more people caring and praying for you than you probably know.

    Praying for your comfort and peace, and that God tightens His grip on you even further.

  10. Dear faithful intercessors,
    You have no idea how blessed we and Martha are by your great love and prayer support, and words fail to express our gratefulness to each of you!
    Even though Martha isn't eating with us we are enjoying each other in many quiet and some not so quiet ways. Today we had a lovely walk in the woods behind our home with several of our children and grandchildren which Martha was able to enjoy with us. She's creating gorgeous hats and scarves with her palette of yarn and amused by again teaching her aged mother how to crochet.
    We pray our Lord's abundant blessings on you and yours as you celebrate His incarnation and anticipate His coming again. In His love, Martha's parents.