I guess it’s update time again.
There isn’t a ton to say. My body continues to deteriorate, I continue longing to go Home, my energy continues to decrease, I continue to struggle with which medications to take when, I continue to pray for a clot—a quick and easy way out....
There is one thing that I crave more than almost anything else; to gulp down a giant glass of ice cold water. I’m thirsty all the time but can’t drink more than sips of water. If I drink more than two medium size gulps at a time, it makes me nearly vomit.
Crushed ice tastes better than any ice cream ever did, and it is cold, and it slows down my intake, so I’ve been able to enjoy ice chips.
I’ve been sleeping terribly every night, partly because of lower back pain, I have almost no energy during the day, it takes effort to talk in the late afternoon/evening, and the nausea gets a lot worse throughout the day—even with anti-nausea meds.
I’ve lost interest in a lot of things, little things like checking http://www.craftgawker.com/ each day, as I have for months. Small tasks often seem overwhelming and it’s often hard to find energy for them.
Really, I just want to be done. This cancer thing has gotten a lot harder in the last week, and I desperately want to be done.
In a sense I suppose it’s like being in the last few weeks of a pregnancy (speaking on the basis of observation only), only I’m waiting to be delivered into Life, Joy, His presence, and Perfect Healing.
Please pray for me. It is excruciating to wait. I often find myself opening my eyes hoping to see Jesus coming for me.
Please pray for my dear family who I’m visiting and who are bringing me ice chips and Ensure, reading to me, and being very loving.
Please pray for mercy.
Thank you very much, Martha