Tuesday, November 2, 2010


***Edited 11.7.10***
Disclaimer—there are a lot of things I can’t or don’t post on here. I don’t/can’t post them because they are too disturbing/intense, or would include language which some people would find offensive.

Because these things aren’t being posted, you’re only getting a partial story, for better or for worse.

It strikes me as what I have to do, but as for worse for two reasons: First, you’re not getting the whole story. Second, because of the omissions, some people have a skewed view of me—that I’m a pillar of strength, a bright and shining example, that sort of thing, and it’s inaccurate and unrealistic.

Anything good coming out of my terminal cancer is because of the transforming work of Jesus—there would be no good in it otherwise, not for me.

So for clarification: Know that you’re getting a partial story and please remember where the good stuff originates.

Peace, Martha


  1. Martha, This is good. Your strength comes from the Spirit alone. I get it. I think more people get it than you think. We admire you because our fear of what you are experiencing reminds us of just how weak we are. Your love for Jesus and faith in God's grace & mercy is why you can have peace. We want this peace in our trials too. Thank you for sharing your life with us, with me. I love you, Annie

  2. This is about you, Martha, and about your journey. I'm not sure that censoring is necessary, unless you feel in your heart that it is. Any of us who has lived through the loss of a loved one to this heinous, hideous disease knows full-well, censored or not. Bottom line: I say HAVE AT IT. We're all here because we love you, we care, and we want to offer our support in any way possible. None of us could possibly be as offended as you are, and have been, by this horrid disease.

    Love you, honey. Prayers & hugs, too. Lots of all three.

  3. M... For what it's worth, I don't think you've robbed Jesus of any credit. When I think of you and read your posts, I see Him. People are always going to interpret things differently, and it's probably too big of a responsibility for you to shoulder those reactions. Like I say, can't worry about everything. :) So I say keep doing what you're doing... omissions or not, you are genuine and sincere, and God is most definitely blessing all who are participating in your blog... and I'm guessing that includes you. :)

  4. Hi, Martha.

    I don't know you personally, but I've been following your story for a while now. I do understand that there's only so much that you share on here, and that's okay. For anyone sharing their life story, there is a degree of omission, and that's okay. I echo what Annie said: I think your readers comprehend that there's more to the story. Clearly there are days of struggle and pain for anyone, and that must be much more acute and frequent for you. In this age of MySpace, Facebook, Twitter and who-knows-what's-next, people blurt out details about their lives that everyone doesn't need to know. It also sets up a false expectation that honesty/authenticity means tell-it-all, and I don't think that's true. Some of the most sacred things about us are between us and God, or between us, God, and those closest to us.

    I don't think you discredit God in the least; in fact, I see you pointing to Him consistently. Write as you are led, Martha! :~)

  5. Martha,

    Just wanted to throw my bit in here, too. For what it's worth, I am under no illusions that what we see on this blog is only part of your story. I have no doubt there's a whole realm of frustration, anger, "ugly" stuff in your life, too. However, I am extremely impressed with the fact that despite all that, you are ALSO trusting God, finding peace in him, able to share your journey and hope in eternal life with Christ. It is so clear that you are giving Jesus all the credit for the fact that you've made it this far. So, yes, despite all the ugly that I'm sure is in your life, I'm still impressed by the strength that God has given you because you rely on him. I'm still thankful for the different perspectives and viewpoints on death that you've shared. I am encouraged by the "side" of you that is surrendering to God and trusting fully in him. You are an inspiration - even in the midst of misery, you're still bringing glory to God.


  6. What Megan says! Very well spoken. Your disclaimer is useful, if anyone was thinking there isn't a dark side. And knowing your admirable honesty, I think you are wise in not posting everything...but I know you have a couple of people who hear more of it almost daily, and please feel free to e-blast, volcano, or swear up an f-ing storm to me privately! love ya. L

  7. ps-maybe we can design a line of hoops & yoyo for the dying? some of it could even be evangelistic, yet crashingly real (i had to make up a word for you)